


Five Times Jonny Used Vegetables As A Declaration of Love and One Time He Used His Words (okay, no, he still used vegetables)

by jonnyhustle



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, Chicago Blackhawks, Hockey, M/M, vegetables as a declaration of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 18:58:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4111555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonnyhustle/pseuds/jonnyhustle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b><a href="http://puckbutts.tumblr.com/">Amy</a> prompted, "Jonny keeps giving kaner his home grown vegetables," and I lost control of everything very quickly.</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>“Of course the pie is a metaphor, man,” Pat argued.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>“Of course it is. How could I have missed that?” Sharpy asked, voice laced with sarcasm.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>Kaner shrugged, continuing, “It’s a metaphor for. For love. Thanksgiving is all about love, right? The things we’re thankful for. Family, another try at the Cup–”</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>Sharpy cuts him off, “And pie?” </i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>“And pie,” Patrick agrees, nodding, “pie is just pie unless it is a declaration of love.”</i><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Jonny Used Vegetables As A Declaration of Love and One Time He Used His Words (okay, no, he still used vegetables)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [weaselbee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weaselbee/gifts).



**One.**  
The first time it happens, Kaner doesn’t think anything of it. Sure, he may have brought it up to just about anyone who would listen, and even those who weren’t listening as much as they were three sheets to the wind and unable to physically stop him from talking. But, Jon had never acknowledged him in any way. Mostly, he’d just lazily reach out and cover Kaner’s mouth, frowning in disgust when Kaner licked his palm. 

Obviously, Kaner can’t have been expected to catch on straight away.

“And another thing,” Kaner had started almost every conversation whenever it was brought up. Okay, whenever he brought it up, because he wasn’t quite starting a new conversation as much as he was continuing a past complaint.

In the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, and “fuck you, not the fake Canadian Thanksgiving, fucker,” it was all Kaner could talk about.

Pumpkin pie.

“That’s what you’re complaining about?” Sharpy had asked when Kaner had finally shut up, if only because he couldn’t talk when he was busy licking Jon’s hand away, “pumpkin pie? All that about the beauty of tradition and Thanksgiving bringing families closer, and what you’re upset about most is missing out on the pie?”

“It’s a metaphor,” Patrick had whined, pushing Jon away when Jonny tried to wipe his hand off on Patrick’s face.

Sharpy sounded amused when he asked, “The pie is a metaphor?” 

Patrick didn’t understand why he was the recipient of Sharpy’s judgement, when it was Jonny who was still trying to wipe away another man’s spit from his hand. Honestly.

“Of course the pie is a metaphor, man,” Pat argued.

“Of course it is. How could I have missed that?” Sharpy asked, voice laced with sarcasm.

Kaner shrugged, continuing, “It’s a metaphor for. For love. Thanksgiving is all about love, right? The things we’re thankful for. Family, another try at the Cup–”

Sharpy cuts him off, “And pie?” 

“And pie,” Patrick agrees, nodding, “pie is just pie unless it is a declaration of love.”

Sharpy laughs, “What? I thought it was a metaphor for love,” but Jon’s nodding solemnly beside Kaner, like he’s right there with him. So, at least that’s someone who can keep up. 

Sharpy might not get him, but Jonny totally does.

***  
Jonny didn’t get it at all, Kaner realises a couple of days later.

Despite them totally sharing a moment even with Sharpy’s judgement and laughter bringing the whole thing down, Jonny just looks confused and a little bit annoyed when he hands Kaner a pumpkin and receives, “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this, man?” for all his effort.

“I grew it myself,” Jon admits, voice totally void of any emotion.

“It’s nice, man,” Kaner says eventually, wondering how exactly his life reached this point where he was complimenting his Captain on his organically homegrown vegetables.

***  
**Two.**  
The second time it happens, Kaner’s talking even more shit than the first. Though, where before it was brought on by homesickness and too many Canadians refusing to acknowledge the true date of Thanksgiving, now it’s because he’s delirious with fever.

No one else on the team had bothered to pick up their phones, either because they knew what to expect from a sick Patrick Kane or they were sick themselves. He’d threatened Sharpy through voicemail, croaking grumpily that Sharpy’s spawn had infected the whole team at the last barbecue, before hanging up, after making a special mention that he did in fact forgive Madelyn, and dialling Jon’s number.

“And another thing,” he says as soon as Jonny answers, “you owe me, man. Bring me soup. The one Mom used to make.”

“Fuck you, I don’t owe you,” Jon fought back, and then, “What kind of soup?”

“You do owe me, Jon,” Kaner maintains, “I asked for pumpkin pie and you forgot the pie part, man.”

Jon sighs, hanging up as soon as Kaner’s told him what kind of soup his mom used to make when he’d gotten sick growing up.

Kaner doesn’t bother getting out of bed when Jonny turns up, just waits patiently until there’s a bowl and a tea towel being pushed into his lap. And, okay, maybe ‘patient’ isn’t the right word because Jonny’s starting to get a crease in his brow from the way Kaner’s insisting he’s seconds away from starving to death.

Kaner takes a spoonful of the soup, eyeing the bowl warily because it doesn’t look anything like what his Mom used to make.

“This isn’t my Mom’s recipe,” Kaner pouts, ignoring the soup that dribbles down his chin when he talks with his mouthful, “What is this?”

Jon sighs, trying to take the bowl back even as Pat holds it closer, “Vegetable. I grew them myself.”

“Of course you did,” Patrick slurps loudly, encouraged by Jon’s frown.

***

**Three.**  
The third time Jonny boasts about his farmer ways they’re at the beginning of a roadie. Patrick’s just woken up, unlocked the door between his and Jon’s room, when Jonny bursts in with some whole wheat toast and something that looks vaguely like snot spread across it. 

“What is this?” Kaner screws up his nose, ignoring the way Jon’s shooting him a look that vaguely resembles hope.

“Toast,” Jon answers, and at Kaner’s blank look continues, “oh. You’re talking about the jam.”

“Yes, I’m talking about the jam. I know what toast is, Jon,” Kaner chirps.

“It’s green tomato chutney.”

“Did you make it yourself?” Kaner asks, can’t stop himself from picking up a slice of toast even though he really doesn’t want to try it.

“I did,” Jonny grins.

It doesn’t taste as bad as Kaner had been expecting.

***

**Four.**  
The fourth time it happens, it’s after a game and Jon just hands him an aubergine without any explanation. 

“Fucking what?” Kaner shouts after him, but Jonny’s already walked out of the room.

Kaner’s just relieved that the press aren’t still in the locker room, witnessing the Captain’s breakdown. The loss had been hard on the whole team, with unnecessary penalties being taken and Jon missing an empty net. But, the fact that Jon had the aubergine on him already to pass to Kaner immediately after the game suggests that it was a pre-meditated breakdown.

“I suppose he grew this himself too,” Kaner says, frowning down at the vegetable in his hand and decidedly ignoring the laughter that echoes around the room.

***

**Five.**  
The thing is, Patrick’s never really cooked for himself. The recipes he’d found for the pumpkin and the aubergine weren’t that bad, but he probably could’ve done better. He would’ve preferred the pie part of the “pumpkin pie” he’d been missing on Thanksgiving, but he figures Jon’s effort had to count for something.

He’s getting better at cooking too, he’s noticed. Though, that doesn’t say much considering they learnt in Biel that his cooking skills are on par with Tyler Seguin’s, who’s known in the league to be dependent on Jamie Benn for anything that doesn’t involve the grill. 

Still, the meals hadn’t turned out the way they should’ve, even though he’d followed the recipe to a T, but they were still edible. They looked better than some of the photos that had been uploaded in the comments sections as well, Kaner thought, just quietly. 

There’s another recipe he wants to try too, but he doesn’t have the right vegetables and he doesn’t want to spend half an hour in the fresh produce aisle Googling various questions regarding the ripeness of different kinds of vegetables. He does not have the time for that, and he does not need Deadspin to publish an expose on Blackhawks’ own Patrick Kane looking dazed and confused by the existence of vegetables. 

So, he calls Jon. 

He thinks he knows what’s going on now, too. Thinks he understands why the pumpkin had turned up only after Kaner had said pumpkin pie was a declaration of love, and not before that.

“There’s a recipe I want to try out,” Kaner starts when Jon picks up the phone, “But there’s a couple of things I need.”

“Yeah?” Jon asks, quiet in the way he always is on the phone.

“Know anywhere where I could pick up some vegetables?”

“I might know a place,” Jon answers, sounding amused, “What’s in it for me?”

“I’ll make you dinner.”

And when Jonny replied, Kaner can almost hear his smile, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, if you want.”

***

**+1.**  
Kaner knows what’s going on, but he doesn’t know if Jonny knows he knows what’s going on with the vegetables. He almost doesn’t want to bring it up, worried that he’s taking vegetables as a declaration of love when his actual words were, “pie is just pie unless it is a declaration of love.” 

Pie, not vegetables, geeze Jonny. 

Jon’s never been one to half-ass anything, though, so a part of Pat thinks that if Jonny really meant it he would’ve bought him an actual pie.

Kaner thinks that maybe Jonny is just getting more in touch with his Canadian ways, or something.

Then Jon shows up to dinner with a pie, and Kaner can’t stop grinning when he opens the door even as Jonny just looks embarrassed and a little bit regretful.

He takes the pie and Jon’s brown paper bag filled with homegrown organic vegetables inside it, and says, “Did you bake this yourself?”

“No, it’s edible,” Jonny offers, smiling with self-deprecation.

Kaner laughs.

“I wanted to be clear, though,” Jon offers, taking the pie back from Kaner.

“About?”

“About the pie.”

“What about the pie? Is the pie a metaphor for something, Jon?”

And Kaner can’t help but push him, encouraged by the flush on Jon’s cheeks and the way he won’t look at anything but the pie. And he’s thinking about other things too; the way the team seemed to have been waiting for something to happen ever since Kaner first burst out with, “What the fuck, Jon gave me a pumpkin,” and the way that Jon seems to have been waiting for something too.

Waiting for Kaner to realise that maybe in Jon’s screwed-up head the vegetables were declaration enough. 

“Pie is just pie unless it’s a declaration of love,” Kaner continues, “Right?”

“It’s not just a pie,” Jon admits, and slowly he leans forward to press his lips to Kaner’s. 

It’s almost as sweet as the pie they eat after.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr [here](http://toestoewstazer.tumblr.com) where I'm just as ridiculous.


End file.
